FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

It can be hard to recognise if someone is experiencing violence especially if it builds over time. Some of the signs that someone is experiencing violence (withdrawn, fearful, distracted, upset, avoidant, behaving differently) could also be caused by other factors.

If you speak to the person and they don’t use the word “abuse” or “violence”, but something still feels off, you can speak to a domestic, family and sexual violence service - they can help you decide on your next step. [Hyperlink to support service section]

Domestic, family and sexual violence can include controlling, threatening, humiliating or sexually harmful behaviour.

Examples of abusive behaviour include:

• monitoring, texting, ringing or calling someone constantly
• tracking someone’s location or showing up where they are not welcome
• making threats or using intimidation
• being controlling or possessive, including isolating someone from others
• making sexist, sexual or inappropriate comments or touching someone without consent

Learn more about the signs of domestic, family and sexual violence outlined in What is domestic, family and sexual violence. [add hyperlink to that section of the site]

How you respond to someone experiencing domestic, family or sexual violence can make a huge difference. Let them know that you are worried about them and want to support them.

You should:

• listen calmly, seriously and respectfully
• check they are safe
• ask what support they might need
• follow club safeguarding processes
• offer to connect them with support services

Do not:

• try to find out what happened
• make decisions for another adult
• confront the person causing harm
• tell other players, staff or friends
• pressure someone to report to the police
• promise to keep concerns secret

Your role is not to find out more or fix the situation. Your role is to listen and support.

It is okay if the adult you are worried about doesn’t want help right now. People experiencing violence may not recognise it, or may feel afraid, ashamed or not ready to talk.

Do not pressure or withdraw from them. It may take time to be ready for support.

You can let them know you are there if they ever want to talk. Don’t judge or criticise them (or the abusive person) and check on them regularly so they know you are a safe person for them to talk to when they are ready.

Check the Child safety and reporting obligations section for more information [add hyperlink]

No. You should not promise confidentiality. Concerns may need to be shared with appropriate safeguarding staff or services to ensure safety.

Do not confront the person or try to “sort it out” yourself. That can increase risk for you and for the person experiencing harm. It can also make the person using violence more defensive or more careful about hiding what they are doing. It also gives them an opportunity to try to convince you that what they are doing is not wrong, or to blame the other person.

If the person brings it up with you, keep the conversation calm and brief. You can name the behaviour without arguing, for example you can say:

- “I’m concerned about what you’ve described. Using violence or control is not okay.”

Try not to debate the details, shame them, or pass on anything the other person has told you.

Focus on:

• safety (your own and any other people involved)
• accountability (never make excuses for violence)
• getting the right support

If you are worried, speak with your club safeguarding contact or a support service for advice. If the person wants help to change their behaviour, they can contact the Men’s Referral Service on 1300 766 491 for free, confidential support and referral.

No, you do not need to find out more information or gather evidence. If you are unsure about what to do, speak to:

• Member Protection or Safeguarding Officer
• Club Welfare Officer
• Club leadership
• Club or league safeguarding contacts
• A national support service such as Full Stop Australia. Find out more about support services here [link to support service section]